Welcome to You First

Coaching + Community for Modern Caregivers

You’ve become a Modern Caregiver...

You are a big-hearted, capable, get-it-done person – who already had multiple demands on your time and energy even before caregiving entered your life.

Perhaps you’re the person that your family (or community) naturally leans on for assistance or advice or organization… so naturally you stepped-up when a loved one needed care.

And, of course, your big heart wants to help.

And you’ve made the commitment.

And yet…

…you can’t devote your entire life to giving care (as society has relied on so many women to do throughout history).

…you know that “pressing pause” on your life is a myth (this IS your life – extra years won’t be magically added to the end of it as a thank you bonus).

…you are also concerned that your own desires and plans and goals are being crushed / diminished / swept aside by the demands of supporting someone else during their crisis or throughout their chronic condition (or their decline towards death).

You might be getting caught in spin-cycles of sadness / anger / worry / frustration about how your career or your home life or your own health is being impacted by these added responsibilities (and shifts in your family relationships).

Or maybe you’re exhausting yourself in a heroic attempt to save your loved one from their circumstances.

Yeah. This is difficult stuff.

Caregiving is one of the most complex challenges life has to offer – physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Even so, I know you will make it through.

My question is… 

…do you want to carry the weight of this situation all by yourself or would you like to learn how to make it a little bit lighter, a little more manageable by supporting yourself with some coaching and strategic guidance?

…do you want to stay connected to your Self and your goals while you give care?

In other words: Would you like to merely go through this chapter of your life… or would you like to grow through it?



Kristine really removed the sense of hopelessness I was feeling. I see that I’m allowed to have a life instead of feeling like the only way to be “a good Puerto Rican daughter” is to lay my life aside for them.


You First can help...

Caregiving is rough on the body, mind, and soul.

Far too many caregivers are struggling with decisions, emotions, family dynamics, competing agendas, and other complexities. And far too many caregivers feel guilty whenever they turn their attention to their own life and goals.

Giving care – even to someone that you deeply cherish – can feel like a thankless job… but one of its main rewards (if you are open to it) is self-growth.

You First offers strategy and support to caregivers of all kinds – whether you are caring for a parent, sibling, child, friend, or a member of your extended family.

Joining You First will help you learn how to reduce the daily frustrations and frictions that drain you of energy.

Joining You First will give you a safe space where you can process your thoughts and feelings and seek guidance on the issues you are facing – without feeling judged.

Joining You First will ensure that you receive personalized, long-term support throughout the ups and downs of your caregiving journey (rather than having to “make do” with a single course or class or a just few, expensive private sessions with a therapist or coach).



My biggest growth was the realization that I didn’t have to be “everything” to my mother and that I wasn’t responsible for her relationship with my siblings. I wasn’t even aware I had taken those things on, or how much I had invested in that identity.



Guidance and Support are vital… but Strategy and Coaching are the pieces that make the difference between a modern caregiver feeling calm and connected to their own life rather than feeling drained and derailed.

This little video clarifies the difference between 
Guidance, Support, Strategy and Coaching:


Video


One of Kristine’s superpowers is distilling a situation and slicing away the emotion, the drama, and the stuff you think is important (but really isn’t). She has a beautiful way of getting down to the core of what needs to be addressed. She does it so gently that you don’t even realize it’s happening. The way she phrases things and questions things helps me get rid of all the swirling chaos in my head and find the path forward.


What’s included in your membership?

As a caregiver, you already have extreme demands on your time and energetic bandwidth. That’s why I designed You First to be a lean, uncomplicated experience: ask questions, receive guidance – and listen-in as others do the same.

The simplicity of this group enables you to focus on absorbing my coaching and applying it to your life.

That is all you need to make significant and lasting shifts. That is all you need to reach new depths of calm, confidence, and clarity – no matter what your current challenges are.

The You First Community is available to you in case you’d like to connect with and share resources with other big-hearted, like-minded, proactive people who have chosen to integrate caregiving into their lives. The community lives on a private, easy-to-use, distraction-free, online platform – and participation is optional.


THE 4 ELEMENTS OF YOU FIRST




I’m now a person who can stop myself in the middle – or even at the very beginning of – a spin-out and ask myself a couple of questions and even re-frame what is happening. This is HUGE for me because I went through over fifty years of my life without having that tool, that ability to shift my perspective.


What is the investment?

Your investment to join You First is $89.99/month. 

To keep things simple for you: You can cancel your participation at anytime. 
To keep things simple for me: 
All payments made are non-refundable.


FAQs:


What happens once I click the subscribe button (at the bottom of this page)?
You will enter your email, create a password, and make your first payment. Once your payment is complete, you’ll automatically enter the You First community where you can download the Start Here Packet which will help you settle in – plus the Reflection Guidebook, the Mental Self-Care Toolkit and the Participation Policy... AND you can immediately start listening to the recordings of our past coaching sessions. NOTE: You’ll also get an email from me with access to those same 4 PDFs.


I'm already in a support group so why would I need You First?
You First is different than traditional caregiver support groups – though you can certainly benefit from having both in your life. Support groups – especially groups of your peers who are caring for people with the same illnesses or challenges – can be invaluable sources of information and insights. It can also be extremely comforting to connect with people who truly mean it when they say: “I know how that feels.” That said, the quality of facilitation and communication within support groups can be inconsistent and vary wildly depending on the group. While You First offers support – and a supportive environment – the purpose of the group is to provide you with access to a master coach with the caregiving experience and strategic skillset to help you grow and move forward (which is the purpose of coaching). I can help you navigate things like tough conversations, challenging family dynamics, changing relationships. I can help you build muscles around setting and keeping boundaries. I can help you stay connected to your own life and your own goals while you give care. I can help you make choices that will keep you from burning out during this intense chapter of your life.


What is the time commitment?
Your time commitment within You First is as flexible as you need it to be – without losing a drop of value. Each month there are three 90min. group coaching sessions live (via Zoom) with me:

First week of each month: Saturday from 10 – 11:30am PST          
Second week of each month: Thursday from 10 – 11:30am PST
Third week of each month: Saturday from 10 – 11:30am PST

Attend as many sessions as you’d like.
Arrive late / leave early as needed.
Attend with your camera on or off.



What if I can't make the live sessions?
You are welcome to submit your questions in advance for me to answer during the session. All of the sessions will be recorded and you’ll have access to the audio archive 24/7. Even just listening to the recordings of other caregivers being coached will help your mind start to shift. Very often, when your brain is listening to others working through their stuff, it is more relaxed and able to make connections and discoveries that it might not make when you are being coached directly. (That’s why it’s also useful to listen to the recordings of your own coaching segments, too.)


What if I don't want to participate in the community aspect?
As an introvert myself, I totally understand where this question is coming from! Participation within the You First community and posting on the platform is completely optional. You are welcome to come and quietly lurk around and never post a thing. You can also come to our live sessions just to listen – with your camera on or off. During those sessions no one is ever “called on” to participate unless they have indicated that they want to be coached. This is a safe, pressure-free environment in which to learn and grow.


Are you teaching me how to be a better caregiver?
You First is not a course or a training program to teach you how to become a “better caregiver.” There are many organizations that focus on providing you with information and tips that you, as a caregiver, can use to better serve the person you are caring for. In You First we don’t focus on the person you are caring for – we focus on YOU. We don’t focus on the challenges that the person you are caring for is facing, we focus on the challenges that YOU are facing while you are caring for your person. YOU need encouragement, support, and attention, too – and getting those things will help you have more mental and emotional bandwidth so you can show up for your person with more compassion and less stress. Likewise, You First does not focus on providing resources for the medical, legal, and financial challenges that are part of the caregiving landscape (beyond the suggestions you are welcome to request from members of our community). There are many websites and organizations that already curate those particular resources.


Whether your caregiving situation started abruptly or whether you gradually became more and more of a caregiver (as I did), either way, you can find yourself elbows-deep in doing, doing, doing all of what is necessary to help your loved one through their crisis or help them try to heal, or help them rearrange their life to cope with something that’s not going away, or help them through the dying process.

The general advice we are offered regarding self-care (“put your oxygen mask on first!”) is logical – you get, I get it – but how do you actually DO it within your actual life? Plus, the toll this type of service takes on your spirit, as I’m sure you already know, isn’t simply remedied by taking a bath, or taking a walk, or getting a massage.

I focus on coaching you through the self-care you can do inside your mind – shifting your perspectives, choosing different stories, changing how you talk to yourself, and plugging your mental energy leaks. These are incredibly valuable muscles you can strengthen while you are doing laundry, or in the waiting room at a doctor’s office, or cleaning medical equipment.

Especially if you are a goal-oriented person who is concerned about your own life getting drained and derailed while you give care, I hope you accept my invitation to join You First. Try it out and see if my coaching helps you start to conserve your mental energy and keep burnout at bay.

I hope you see you soon! Thank you for being one of the ones who care.


With this new phase of my life caring for my partner, Kristine was really amazing about making me look at the situation and acknowledge what I would miss if I lost him today and what I still have. I still have the laugher and the walking hand-in-hand and the conversations and the snuggles and the love – all of that still exists. Although our relationship is not the same, that doesn’t make it any less valid. It really was a shift in perspective for me because I was allowing his illness to change what really shouldn’t change, which is the love we have for one another.


Still not quite sure?

In the FREE Because You Care workshop I will coach you through how to plug 4 major mental energy leaks that are likely draining your mojo day after day.
Being a Modern Caregiver stressful… let me help you slow your mental spin cycles and lighten your load.
You can watch the workshop on video or read the transcript or listen to the audio. Here's where to go: KristineOller.com/care  
Keep Up With You First On The Go
You First is powered by Mighty Networks
Phone numbers from outside the United States may need to use a prefix (e.g. +44 XX XXXX XXXX). Available on iOS and Android. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.